Last year at this time, we had decided to sell the farm. We had given it all up for the universe to move and allow the winds of life direction to lead us where we were meant to be. All I knew at that time was that we could no longer continue at the rate we were going. Physically for Mike's health, and emotionally for me, trying to keep up with everything that needing to be done.
When we moved into our woods and built our home 7 years ago, Mike was working full time. We had a successful fitness equipment repair business and our dreams of having a farm and living in the woods was becoming a reality. We sold our pop-up camper, and used every spare dollar we had to create a lavender farm. Soon after we planted our first half acre of lavender, driven by the beauty of the plant, and the amazing benefits it contained, Mike was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy. We knew before this that his physical body was not able to keep up the way it used to. Initially we had thought it was from his back. We were already in full motion to create a way of living on the land and creating a space of sanctuary for people other people to escape stress. So, with his
diagnosis, along with a normal process of accepting this new way of living, there was a lot of worry around how we would keep doing all we needed to do.
We always knew we were meant to go down this road. As the more physical work took more of a toll on Mike's health, the more I was urged to take over. Honestly it was a chance for me to feel empowered. I have always felt I could do anything if I just set my mind to it, and running the field, doing all of the markets and events, creating product, still running a repair business, and being a good mom, and wife, was a perfect chance for me to really test my strength and my limits. We all had to go through a process of acceptance and knowing there were many things that needed to shift in Mike's role in order to ke
ep him healthy. Life is always changing and creating new directions. I have always had trust that if you follow what you feel is right and truly listen to what you are being told, then everything will always work out, somehow.
A lot of trust, a lot of faith, and a lot of us listening, led up to making major changes and simplifying what we could. Gradually leading up to the point of selling everything,
last spring. We had really loved what we created here, loved the earthship coming into form for the wellness center, and loved living on land that we knew could support our family for food. At the same time we loved the beauty of life, and being able to take the time to breathe in every moment and appreciate everything about it. We knew even more that life is so precious and enjoying every moment while the kids are little is something you can't go back and re-do. We were losing our home, and wanted to make a conscious choice for our future instead of waiting until we didn't have the choice. I wrote about it all before, but we stepped out of life last summer and took a month long trip to really search and decide where we wanted to start over. We used the money from the lavender festival, fed ourselves along the way, did a lot of camping and slept in our van. We had some wonderful people along the way who offered us places to stay, and we knew we needed to take this trip. We always like to look at the good things in life, and wanted this to be an exciting change f
or our kids, an adventure, and not something scary. The journey that we took led us back to understanding that starting over somewhere else, where we did not know anyone, trying to create a sustainable future was not looking like a very logical way to go. We had Eric holding together the farm while we were gone, and he helped convince us that he would be able to take on more for us. He does so much for us in all of the little things needing done, that it really ads up to a lot or weight off of us here.
Spending the time away with our family was such a beautiful experience, something I know in my heart that will be something they remember, and something I will cherish the rest of my existence. When we got back last July we knew that finishing the earthship as our home was the way that we could still hold onto this life. We had put all of our time, and energy into following creating this farm. We still held the vision of creating buildings for people to stay in and escape, adding meditation and prayer areas, and having enough food planted that many families c
ould come and pick to keep themselves fed. We also still had decided to help other people live sustainably, and knew in our hearts that getting in touch to inspire, guide and help to support and heal people are wrapped up in the whole existence of the energy that was flowing with the farm.
So, we went full force into working on the earthship. We were able to get the roof finished, plumbing in, and most of the walls cobbed. We did finally seek out help and ask for i
t, we had wonderful people who came and volunteered time with us to help keep it all flowing. Accepting help is something that both of us were not ever very good at. We ran into some issues with permits because of it now being a residential home, and somehow everything seemed to come to a halt.
For several years we have let everyone know that our Earthship wellness center would open this spring. This winter brought about many dreams of bears, time of nourishing and an urge to emerge with our new babies in the spring. We were feeling overcome with guidance and a knowing that even though this center was not going to be at the farm in the original intended space, that this was still THE time that we needed to move forward with it. We knew that we had to stay close, and we hoped that adding this type of a service and central space in Wilmington for guidance, nurturing, healing and helping... would be able to fulfill even more of the need I have deep inside to truly help and make a difference in other people's lives. Anyone who knows me knows that I feel so blessed by every experience I have ever been though, my entire life. Everything hard, everything good, is a chance to grow and to become a better person. Many times in this same life I was at a point where I really didn't think I could go on any longer, that I couldn't take any more. Seeing life from where I am now, gives me so much desire to help people to grow as well, and to see their life for what it is, their own path and their own power to make it wonderful, no matter what they have, or feel they don't have.
Working on people through the energy work, Reflexology/ Reiki , is so amazing for nurturing and helping their physical bodies bring about balance and healing. Living with someone who has been through a lot of pain, I know first hand how different life can be if you can get even some relief without having to take medications that have sometimes unfavorable side effects.
With all of this said I had SO much back and forth about taking another step forward. We are on a path to really try and simplify life, get very basic in living, and here we are, being guided to do what? Open another space...pay rent, electric bill and gas bill, new internet... you can see where my struggle was in all of this. Also knowing my kids, whom I am working so hard to spend more time with are going to have to adjust to a lot of time in this new space, away from the woods and the farm they are used to exploring in. I REALLY had to step back, pray, breathe, meditate, listen to my dreams, and again, LET GO.. in a different way this time. As soon as I felt the bigger picture of what was happening, and truly felt how much this is completely not about me, I knew it would all work out and be taken care of. Being divinely guided can be a beautiful thing when you let go of ego, and self and worry about it all and just listen.
We have now been open almost 2 months. The week before our opening I know we were being tested to our limits. Many things re-surfaced in me that I thought I had let go of years ago. Our oldest dog child, Sage, who was going to be 13 this summer had to be put to sleep the day before our opening. We worked (with the help, again of wonderful people, the Guindons, and Pierre Nagley-an amazing artist from Yellow Springs) so many days, long hours, and until 5am the day of our opening! But it all came together because it was meant to. We now have a space for so many gifted people to share their gifts with the community, and providing this space of sanctuary right in the middle of town feels so good for me. We have many people from all over the area wanting to come and teach classes, hold workshops and share so much, which we will be able to add to what we have now as soon as we have more space in the upstairs of the building available. This has been a huge adjustment and test for me, regaining balance of time to make products, having enough of my time truly giving to people who need it , getting new clients, and not having the kids always at the center. They got burnt out pretty quick there every day!
We also have been wanting another baby, and there has been a little baby soul wanting to come into our family for quite a long time too. (If my beliefs are off from yours on this, please don't let it scare you.. just the intuitive side of life and feeling my way through it all) We finally decided there will never be a perfect time to have another one, and now is always time for anything when it involves the higher good of everything. Our kids are the most meaningful beings in our lives, and we will be blessed by another one in November....
So here we are, the farm is waking back up, the plants are becoming green, markets will soon start, planting will need to begin on the grant funding. Eric will be taking on much more of the farm and if the mud ever dries up from the earthship we will slowly start the progress again on our home. We are in the final stages of a short sale of our current home with a new family on their own life quest. We will be digging out the collapsed trenches of plumbing pipes, and moving forward as quickly as we can on the earthship. We are really trying not to get overwhelmed again, and know it is all part of a transition period with opening this new space. We are pushing away the thoughts that keep sneaking in reminding us of the money we put into our new wellness studio and how that could have been our new windows, or another permit completed, and again just trusting this path and where we are. Eventually the time will come when we can be in a fully sustainable place and support our family, but for now this new direction on the path is leading us to be there to help in other peoples transitions.
I can see a vision of living simply, showing the kids a true way to live with the earth. I can even feel it, it is just not quite in reach yet. Part of the path with this new baby growing inside has been really forcing me to listen to my own body, and acknowledge for the first time in many years that I am not superhuman and that I do need to have limits. I got so used to taking on so much to keep Mike from doing things he shouldn't. Self care and taking time for your own healing and own nourishing is what I love teaching other people... guess the universe is calling me on another new level to practice what I preach on every single level of my existence.
By the end of the summer, somehow we will have the earthship sealed in, floors and walls mostly done, and the necessities in. The window sun will keep us warm along with the ancient woodstove we got from our woods, and even if we cook by a coleman stove, primitive living will feel like the most amazing thing in the world. Going from feeling like the world was going to end because I felt like I was losing many things I was sure of, its a powerful place to know things will always change.I now enjoy taking a ride with the winds, and the shifts of this life, and guiding the sails gently to a better place... and it is so humbling to know none of it is just about me...